What did I miss?

Did Julia Roberts give birth (rebirth?) to Macaulay Culkin?

Now this is just eerie

I kid you not, I interviewed a man named David Willis yesterday. My dad's birth name is David Lillis ...

That's just eerie.

Emily: "were in a Cadillac Escalade returning from the Spearmint Rhino strip club about 6:30 a.m. when they began fighting" - did you ever see yourself writing this sentence sometime in your career when you started college?





Some epic posts are ahead. This is a teaser.

The real man can't even e-mail

I just got Spam from a Harry Willis. My dad's name is Harry Lillis..


Luckily, he didn't offer to enlarge anything.

I would follow him anywhere.

The man defined Twitterspeak.

There is my Galifianakis fawning for the month.

Everyone with a digital camera is an "artist"

I noticed an unintentional trend in my "photography."

This is how much I miss Scrabulous

I only beat Alexa a.k.a. Lexicon once in Facebook's now-extinct Scrabulous game and I had to take a picture to prove it. That application was always a triple word score away from a lawsuit, though. Good times.



Scrabulous 2008-2008

Quote board

Me: Well, I'm staying so that means I can keep working on this killer "tan" I have going.
Coworker: You're getting more freckles at least.
Me: Exactly. If only they'd team up. You know, I used to really hate them. My mom would console me and try to tell me that they were kisses from the angels while I slept.
Coworker: Did you ever think how creepy that is?
Me: I am now.
Coworker: "Mom, I have freckles in places other than my face..."

The newest in making up for bad life decisions

Remember when Listerine strips hit the scene and nobody knew what to do?

We all asked ourselves questions like "Is it paper? Is it a mint? Will it get me out of a DUI?" while tonging the roof our mouths like dogs licking peanut butter. It seemed like a forward step in the fresh breath direction.

Then science took an even bigger step forward.

Genius?

Take note of the "Where to Buy" tab. My hometown is #8. I'm counting this as the eighth most hungover city in the nation. Las Vegas wallows near the bottom.

I admit I can be pretty scatterbrained sometimes. I just blame it all on my freak streak of blond hair hair stylists admire so much.

But one thing I am truly diligent about it knowing where my keys are at all times. The thought of locking them in my car puts me into a panic.

You can see where this is going.

I locked my keys in the car the other day.

I was chatting it up with my dad and Harry was mistaking a muffin for a cupcake or a "you know, one of those biscuit things" to which I was sarcastically correcting him while en route to an assignment at a Russian restaurant. Well, the joke was on me because I had remembered to lock the doors but not to remove the GD keys from the ignition.

Dad was still on the line and somehow calmed me by reminding me this is why we have AAA. Oh, yeah.

When all was said, put on hold and transfered 14 times, AAA dispatched someone to help but not for another hour. The restaurant I was destined for was closed and the only other things in the strip mall were a dingy casino thingy (no surprise), a floral shop where the only attendant didn't speak English (no surprise) and a Chinese market where 15 people loitered and only one spoke English (still not surprised). Where would I beat the heat?

The Chinese market won. I wandered the aisles and was reminded again that I need to learn to:

a) habla a new language soon
b) not be such a cultural moron

Don't worry I had my camera. By the end of the visit, I had no appetite or shame.


Pasteurized packaged cheddar cheese product: Does this have to exist?


Shrimp paste: What would you even use this with?


Cockles: Just curious if they are ball sized.


If it's in this aisle, I probably can't pronounce or prepare it. That's embarrassing.


Reverse car theft: Still trying to figure out if I was supposed to tip him or something.

Lucky strike

This blog will live!!! (Add your own maniacal laughter here)


My internship was extended last week. Now that most of the details are ironed out, I can say I will be living in Sin until the end of the year.

I will just have to pretend palm trees go through color change, imported apple cider is tastey and MSU tailgating isn't happening without me.

A picture is worth a thousand captions

"Can't you see my veins are exploding?"
"I do not have baby teeth!"
"Sparta! What is your profession?!"(Funnier because he went to U of M)
"I said no mushrooms!"
"Everybody come see how good I look!"
"My skeletal system is escaping!"
"My Speedo is chaffing!"
"I'm tired of shaving my ENTIRE body."
"Carbs! Carbs! Carbs!"
"I am mad as a wet hen!"
"I make you seem lazy!" (It's so true)
"My name is the only thing people will remember about the 2008 Summer Olympics!" (Even truer)
"Fuck this! I'm becoming a florist!"
"My daughter is in pain, can't you understand that! GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!"
"Michael hate being three feet taller than Chinese hosts."
"My fuel is pure gold."
"I call shotgun!"
"Give me an M!"
"Look at my innie, ya'll!"
"Who peed in the pool?!"
"Where is my jacket?!"
"My body absorbed my shirt!"
"'My Boys' is a rerun?!"
"Cannonball!"
"Who wants pizza?!"


Seriously, I could do this for days.

Got a haircut. Needed it. I was stuck between a mullet and the flowy locks of that middle Jonas brother that I have a jailbaity crush on.

I was not impressed by my first desert flash flood.


As the intern, I am the paper's official unofficial weather girl. So when it rained .16 inches last week, everyone lost their ever-living minds. Insert some spooky skies, bathwater rain and minor flash flooding and this girl got three hours of overtime and a section front story. Oh and caked-on desert clay and littered rocks made driving a dream for about a day.

Try harder next time, Momma Nature. (I'll probably eat these words later)

Still obsessed with the Bellagio fountains

Never gets old.

I apologize for having fewer posts about Sin City and too many posts about the Catholic girl (and her quirky observations).

Here is a post to even the score.

It took me a while to notice there aren't any squirrels, chipmunks, birds (not of the pigeon variety, that is), etc. How did I notice this? Well, I was driving down the highway when I thought to myself, 'Boy, these roads are so clean.' No roadkill.

Obviously, it's the desert. Rodent-like creatures couldn't survive. I was told there would be scorpions but I have yet to see them. I just have to settle for these strange little bugs. Anyone know what they are?

Monday, Monday. Can't trust that day.

Mondays are troubling for me.

The conflict doesn't start until a few hours after work. I hunker down and watch the new episodes of my two reality TV obsessions — Intervention on A&E and Jon&Kate Plus 8 on TLC. Trouble is they both air at the same time, giving my remote trigger finger and my emotions a work out. They're subject matters could not be further apart from each other.One represents something benevolent and heart warming. The other highlights an active dirge lamenting a walking corpse whose addiction fuels and destroys them and their families.

I'm an addict myself. I can't bear to miss either show.

Last night was extremely difficult to handle. Just when I think Intervention couldn't reach new heights, you meet someone like Allison. She is addicted to huffing computer cleaner. Everyone together now, "Oh my God."

Ain't Eight Great?

Happy Eight Eight Oh Eight, everyone!

Seeing as how everyone else in the world is arranging their C-sections or wedding dates to fall on this numerology wonder day, I will bring to a totally pointless list of my top eights of the day.

Eight things I have eaten today:
1. cantaloupe
2. toast with peanut butter
3. Cheez-Its
4. Yogart covered raisins
5. A Wendy's cheeseburger
6. A Wendy's dollar menu side of chicken nuggets
7. A frosty
8. An antacid

Eight ways I've avoided work
1. Recaps like this (Seriously, how did Twitch lose?)
2. Gchat
3. Cleaning out my cubicle
4. Gchat
5. Hyping the Olympics' opening ceremonies
6. Gchat
7. Recovering from my food coma
8. Gchat

Eight things I'm looking forward to right now
1. MSU Football
2. Visitors (Fact: Las Vegas is the easiest place to persuade friends to visit)
3. The Olympics
4. Every one of the movies on my Netflix queue right now
5. Possibly visiting Utah
6. Reading all of the 8/8/'08 related stories today and tomorrow
7. Tackling my ever-growing list of places to visit here
8. Project Runway (because all of my other summer shows are done)

Sidenote: We are having "stormy" whether as of late (a post about baby's first flash flood is to follow) but when I left the house today, it was 88 degrees.

My spirit died a little bit when I discovered the card game Crazy Eights might only be a Midwest thing.

And the best bumper sticker I've seen in a while award goes to . . .

The Price of a Valley View

In my quest for a decent shot of the city lights, I pretty much trespassed near the mountains and was stopped by a waiting lackey from a nearby construction site. I probably should be dead right now.

Damn dam wind

Listen closely for a "that's what she said" opportunity and see if you can count the visors and fannypacks on the tourists.

Shake it

I figured this had to exist.

GO ETCH YOURSELF

Like sands through the hourglass...

Sorry, Facebook, there is a new time waster in town.


THIS IS SAND


Warning: Very addictive.

Bring Your Camera to Work Day

Didn't I look like Pam Beesley the other day? I also had a pretty good hair day. Day maker.


I'm so vain, I probably think this blog is about me.

Sweatin' at the drive-in

When you drive the same route almost everyday, it’s very easy to turn on your blinders and just let repetition co-pilot. My 15-minute cruise down Rancho Drive is filled with views of desert lots, gas stations and the occasional casino not to mention Sonic, McDonalds, Fatburger, Taco Bell and every other artery enemy you can think of.
Well, I got a rare chance to be a passenger the other day and found a few new wonders on that same stretch of road.
My biggest discovery was the Las Vegas 6 Drive-In Theater.



Six movie screens that play first-run movies on a dirt lot with simple signs and an old-fashioned concessions stand. Sweet Americana.
I went out with my roommate last night (and did a weird soul shake with Floyd Mayweather as a sign of solidarity for our mutual home city) so I thought I’d check out the drive-in tonight.
Just cold Diet Coke box of Cheez-Its and me.
I bought my ticket ($6.25?! What a steal!) to Wall-E (don’t judge) and parked.
At this point, I had a whole dilemma on my hands. Windows up, windows down? Engine on, engine off? Recline, don’t recline? I was kind of a mess.
Ultimately, I adjusted my seat and turned the engine off. I didn’t have the heart to waste gas during a movie about humans rendering the planet unsustainable and useless with their gluttonous ways.
I put the windows down for “cross ventilation” knowing full well the 98-degree temperatures, at night mind you, weren’t going to provide an ideal breeze.
All six movies started at about the same time, just about when I started to sweat like it was going out of style. I really hate back of the knee sweat. I just want to throw that out there.
I really fought peeking around to see snippets of Dark Knight, Stepbrothers, X-Files and the Mummy (Well, maybe not that) but I could only hear my movie tuned into my radio.
My Diet Coke lost its chill quickly and was consumed in record time. I set my aim on the case of water and half a PowerAde I had tossed in the backseat earlier. Both were tepid (the worse) but my thirst didn’t mind.
I really did enjoy the movie, but it would have been better in an enclosed theater. The animation used a lot of darker colors that got cancelled out by the cloudy night sky.
But the plot was cute and hearing little kids giggle from their miniature folding chairs raised the roof on the cute factory.
When it was over, I raced to crank the air conditioner and get home. I guzzled water, fruit juice and an entire glass of milk (it just felt right) and then more water when I got home.
I’ll definitely go to the drive-in again. But this time, I’m going to sit in a kiddy pool of water fanning myself within arms length of a fully stocked minifridge of cold beverages.
See, I am figuring this climate out.