Crazy bones

In it's purest form, my "craft" is to get information out to the masses. But I often forget that people actually read the words that are coming out of my ... head. I got a 20-minute reminder of this today when this loony toon dialed the number listed in my tagline. The woman's sobriety was questionable and her mental state fell somewhere between nutty and totally bananas. The resulting conversation was disoriented from the lonely lady's end and utterly hilarious from mine.

Here is a random sampling of what she had to tell me:

"I said 'I may not be sharp, but I'm not goddamn dead!"

"I kicked my son out because he was living like an Oliver Stone."

"I used to say 'Before I croak, I want a goddamn pink cell phone!'"

"My son taught Oprah as an NBC internist."

"He made me steal all kinds of rocks from The Mirage. I'm tired of stealing goddamn rocks!"

" … and then 7/11 happened and things changed …"

"My son told me the sea turtles saved his life!"

"I kicked him out because he told me to quit smoking."

"I wear glitter in my hair because it's goddamn falling out."

"He tried albacore tuna for the first time. The first time!"

"I go buy cheap bras but they're sharp!"

"He drove me nuts with that goddamn boutique."

"I may be 65 and disfigured, but …"

I may have an active imagination but there is no way I could have made any of this up.